I officially hate dating. I don't know how people can sometimes do it for decades! I hate that it could end at any moment for no particular reason leaving you confused and hurt and feeling bad about yourself even though you didn't do anything wrong.
I hate that everyone seems to have an opinion about your situation and some advice about how "that's just the way it is." Everyone has some story to tell about a guy that did something similar to them. Even my mom told me a story about a guy that randomly started ignoring her and for years it bothered her until she finally found out that it was because she was too inexperienced. What is with guys!?
And why is "he's just a guy" a valid excuse? Does being a guy really mean you can act like an asshole and just get away with it? Can guys really think that differently than girls do? They're still human for god sakes!
I just hate that I was finally happy and had hopes and plans for the future. I didn't expect it to end so suddenly. I hate that there's no guarantee with dating. At least if you had a boyfriend then you could pretty much assume that they like you and want to hang out with you and you can plan ahead. But when only dating a guy, they feel no obligation toward you. They can leave you in a sobbing puddle on the floor and walk away guilt-free.
And how is it fair that after only dating a guy for 3 weeks everything reminds me of him! I'll listen to a song and wonder if he'd like it. I'll see a commercial on TV or talk about a movie that I saw with him. I'll put on a particular dress or shirt that I last wore when I saw him.
I know that I'll eventually get over him. It's not like we were in love or anything. It just sucks that it ended so soon and without any warning. And I hate that all my memories of our time together (and all of my firsts) are tainted by how it ended.
Hopefully one day I can look back on this experience and feel okay or even happy about it, but right now I just feel proud when I go one day without crying.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Home Alone!
So my parents left for Africa yesterday. The first couple hours were hell because I had to drive the car back to my house and I stupidly decided to take PCH because the 405 was jammed, but PCH was even worse! It took me 2 hours!!! Last night was really nice/weird. Nice because I could be messy and loud, and weird because it felt so much earlier than it was but I still had to go to sleep at 12:30 so I could wake up at 7:30 for work. Overall I think it'll be a really great 2 and a half weeks, but I kinda wish it was a little bit longer...
Following Laura's lead, I'm going to make a list of things I want to do while my parents are gone.
1. Clean my room and get rid of all the stuff I never use.
2. Learn to cook actual meals so I don't starve.
3. Keep up on all my chores so my Mom doesn't kill me when all her plants die.
4. Throw a really fun party for my friends!!
5. Dance around in my underwear to really loud music.
6. Get tan! Hopefully by going to the beach, but laying out in my backyard is also acceptable.
7. Hang out with people at UCLA.
8. Catch up with all my friends that I haven't talked to all summer.
9. Go to Santa Barbara, because I've only been like twice and don't even remember it.
10. Go shopping and buy super cute clothes that I will actually wear.
I can't really think of anything else right now. I've already accomplished a few important tasks for the summer, like getting my hair cut and buying really cute high heels!!!
Following Laura's lead, I'm going to make a list of things I want to do while my parents are gone.
1. Clean my room and get rid of all the stuff I never use.
2. Learn to cook actual meals so I don't starve.
3. Keep up on all my chores so my Mom doesn't kill me when all her plants die.
4. Throw a really fun party for my friends!!
5. Dance around in my underwear to really loud music.
6. Get tan! Hopefully by going to the beach, but laying out in my backyard is also acceptable.
7. Hang out with people at UCLA.
8. Catch up with all my friends that I haven't talked to all summer.
9. Go to Santa Barbara, because I've only been like twice and don't even remember it.
10. Go shopping and buy super cute clothes that I will actually wear.
I can't really think of anything else right now. I've already accomplished a few important tasks for the summer, like getting my hair cut and buying really cute high heels!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
3 day weekend
This weekend was loooong, and not really in a good way. This weekend included 3 movies with friends (5 by myself), 2 meals with friends (4 by myself), 2 fights with friends, 1 friend not speaking to me, 4 crying sessions, and more.
Maybe it's because there are less than three weeks of school left, but people are getting weird. I feel like none of my friends like me and I don't like any of them. Why does this always happen?? I really don't know how to go about fixing any of this drama either. Most people say I should give it time and give them some space, but there's not that much time left! I don't want to start Summer with friends that are mad at me!
And why is it always my fault? Am I that horrible and annoying? Would everyone like it more if I was never around? How do I keep losing friends when I'm the one who normally puts in the most effort??
Ok, I know this post is kind of whiney and depressing and I'm sorry about that, but this is what is on my mind right now.
Anyway, I'm gonna try to fix this. Hopefully everything will be back to normal by next weekend! Wish me luck!
Maybe it's because there are less than three weeks of school left, but people are getting weird. I feel like none of my friends like me and I don't like any of them. Why does this always happen?? I really don't know how to go about fixing any of this drama either. Most people say I should give it time and give them some space, but there's not that much time left! I don't want to start Summer with friends that are mad at me!
And why is it always my fault? Am I that horrible and annoying? Would everyone like it more if I was never around? How do I keep losing friends when I'm the one who normally puts in the most effort??
Ok, I know this post is kind of whiney and depressing and I'm sorry about that, but this is what is on my mind right now.
Anyway, I'm gonna try to fix this. Hopefully everything will be back to normal by next weekend! Wish me luck!
Friday, May 15, 2009
I haven't died (I think)
So obviously I never update this thing, but I swear I'm still alive (although I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this so it probably doesn't matter...)
Anyway, I'm just at work right now, but it's Friday and I'm going home today and I'm skipping my two classes and I'm going out to lunch for Monica's 21st birthday, so I'm pretty happy.
Yesterday I started packing up some of the crap I have accumulated this year since I'm moving out of the dorms in a month (so excited!). It turned into those "I'm cleaning my room but somehow it just keeps getting messier and messier" moments. There are seriously like four boxes and a suitcase on the floor, which is not very big to begin with, and my desk is still a huge mess. I'm not sure how happy my mom is going to be either when she has to help me carry all this crap to the car, but at least it'll save us all some time and energy when I have to move out in June. I feel like I should be sad that this is my last month in a college dorm EVER, but I'm really not. Last year I was kind of sad because all of my friends were moving out of the dorms while I was staying for another year, but now there is nothing holding me to the dorms. I really don't talk to anyone there now, except Amy of course, but I'll see her next year anyway.
Speaking of next year, I am so super excited to live in an apartment! And I'm excited for the most random and stupid things, like having water in my room (or the kitchen), getting to watch tv while I brush my teeth, having actual food to eat and snack on, not having to wear shoes to go to the bathroom and take a shower.
Well I'm off work in about 2 minutes, so I guess this is it for now. I'll try not to wait a year between posts anymore! haha!
<3 Ellen
Anyway, I'm just at work right now, but it's Friday and I'm going home today and I'm skipping my two classes and I'm going out to lunch for Monica's 21st birthday, so I'm pretty happy.
Yesterday I started packing up some of the crap I have accumulated this year since I'm moving out of the dorms in a month (so excited!). It turned into those "I'm cleaning my room but somehow it just keeps getting messier and messier" moments. There are seriously like four boxes and a suitcase on the floor, which is not very big to begin with, and my desk is still a huge mess. I'm not sure how happy my mom is going to be either when she has to help me carry all this crap to the car, but at least it'll save us all some time and energy when I have to move out in June. I feel like I should be sad that this is my last month in a college dorm EVER, but I'm really not. Last year I was kind of sad because all of my friends were moving out of the dorms while I was staying for another year, but now there is nothing holding me to the dorms. I really don't talk to anyone there now, except Amy of course, but I'll see her next year anyway.
Speaking of next year, I am so super excited to live in an apartment! And I'm excited for the most random and stupid things, like having water in my room (or the kitchen), getting to watch tv while I brush my teeth, having actual food to eat and snack on, not having to wear shoes to go to the bathroom and take a shower.
Well I'm off work in about 2 minutes, so I guess this is it for now. I'll try not to wait a year between posts anymore! haha!
<3 Ellen
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